*NEW* The Molly

Who is Molly? Molly is that 17-23 year old skank whore of a hostess you work with. You know, the one that attacks with giant hugs and batting eyes you as soon as you walk in the door. Normally, this would be awesome to have a semi-attractive young girl all over you, but Molly has been with all of the server staff, half of the kitchen staff, and a couple of managers. Molly has had some "daddy" issues. Either her dad was a drunk and was never in her life, or she had a rich daddy that paid for everything that she ever wanted to buy. She is always wearing the most provocative of clothing, and constantly takes Facebook mirror pictures with her phone. She covers herself with makeup that is caked on 3 layers thick. Ke$ha would even be disappointed in Molly for dressing like a slut. Even though Molly is blatantly a whore, she tries and makes it seem like you are the special one in the restaurant she has "chosen." Turn her down, and she will be in the bathroom crying her eyes out saying how much of a "meany-head" you are. And god forbid you tell Molly any personal information at work, because she is going to tell EVERY person that will stand to listen to her. Molly has had relationship problems, to say the least. She is constantly telling people how she wants a real relationship and that she is ready to settle down, but is with a new guy EVERY night. Honestly, it won't be until Molly is knocked up before she actually gets to "settle down."  But, Molly is fun. Fun in the fact that whenever everyone gets together after work, she gets drunk off two beers. Then you get to watch her stumble around the house with a big smile on her face looking for her next victim.

But congratulations if you had the "pleasure" of having a "rewarding" night with a Molly, because you got left with   an alphabet of STD's and the humility of your whole restaurant laughing at you. Congrats

*Disclaimer*

I think this needs to be posted

This blog is for ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES. I write things how I see them. My writings about the types of people that work in restauraunt are not about one certain person, but a grouping of the same types of people combined into one. I am not here to write about all of the awesome times I had with certain people, you are here to read entertaining and comical stories about people.

*Disregard Post Dates*
*Newest post will be on the very top*
*NEWER POSTS WILL BE ON THE BOTTOM, POSTS ARE IN DESCENDING ORDER (older to newer for all you morons out there)*

The start to something beautiful!

Have you ever had a great idea pop into your head? Have you ever gotten busy and forgot about that great idea, or neglected it because important things came up? Well today this ends for me. On this random Tuesday morning, 9 hours away from when I have to be at work, I am going to finally make use of the idea that popped in my head many years ago. Today will mark the start of the beginning of my possible book,  A Tip From Your Server, by Joe Kelly.

The stories for this week.

So to open my blog I don't think it would be fitting to just jump into awesome stories of guests that I have gathered over the years, I need to start with the most basic fundamental of the restaurant business, THE EMPLOYEE. The employees of a restaurant are what shape the restaurant and give off the atmosphere that it has. While each restaurant has different employees, there are a few personalities that ALL restaurants have. And this is where I am going to start. This week I will first write about the employees that every restaurant has and possibly accompany each one with a special story that I have had with this type of person.


The first person we will call her Brittany .

To put it lightly, is the BITCH of the restaurant. Brittany is a mid 40s to late 50s aged woman, who has at least 2 kids. Brittany is divorced and believes that "She is too strong for a man" and she has the swagger to prove it. AND DAMN DOES SHE PROVE IT! Brittany gets what she wants, when she wants it because if not SHE IS CALLING CORPORATE! You know that 1-800 number that every restaurant has? You know the one that is 1-800-words? Well Brittany has called corporate so many times, she knows the exact number and doesn't have to remember it by those words. Managers have to beckon to what Brittany says because if not, she is going to give their boss a call and Mr. Manager gets to get an ear full of worthless BS. Brittany runs the restaurant, not the managers. She gets the sections she wants, and she works the days she wants. Which is always Monday through Saturday during the day, not Sunday morning though because she does not want to have to put up with the make shift crew that they patch together on Sundays. And to ask her to work a night shift? Oh hell no! She needs her beauty sleep! Brittany isn't very religious because she has had a rough life. She drinks A LOT, and is Brittany the fun drunk that lightens up from drinking? OH HELL NO! Brittany gets belligerent and mean, she takes out all the frustrations of her life on whoever even looks at her the wrong way. But, Brittany is not all bad, nor is she a bad person at all, IF and ONLY IF, you get on her good side. It takes work, work, and more work but eventually Brittany may open up to you and trust you just enough to start gossip-ing with you. And lord, Brittany is right in the middle of every piece of drama that comes through the doors of the restaurant. (But don't forget we are not including the night time drama, because Brittany is too good to work nights) Brittany does know how to treat her tables with respect though! She has TONS of regulars, you know that creepy guy that comes in 5 times a week. Yeah, Brittany has taken care of him since she was 21. You know, before she was a Brittany .


Overall if you are on the good side of a mama Brittany , you are golden. You realize that she is a wonderful person. Once you get through that "tough woman" exterior, Brittany is just as normal as the rest of us, just with a lot more pain and suffering. And if you arnt on her good side, well she will forever be known as "That heartless bitch that I work with that gets everything she wants...."

The Jennifer

Who is Jennifer? Jennifer is that overweight gross server that every restaurant has. She dyes her hair odd colors, and smells HORRIBLE. I am talking HORRIBLE. You can't help but warm up to her at first because at first you think that she is going to be a nice person because she is quiet and really sweet when she starts working there. But then once you actually get to know her a little bit you realize how much you really dislike this woman. Did I mention that she smells HORRIBLE? It is seriously like she hasn't bathed in weeks. Oh, and she is super lazy! She doesn't do her side work, she never runs food, not even the managers can stand her. Managers are just looking for ANY reason to fire Jennifer, but she does just enough to where the managers have no reason to fire her. And Jennifer is the QUEEN of gossip. Jennifer blows Brittany out of the water when it comes to gossip. How? Well this is how. Jennifer talks crap about EVERY single person in the restaurant and in turn also is in every body's business. Jennifer always is telling managers that others are never doing their side work, while wasting time complaining instead of taking the time and actually helping out. Almost every employee talks crap about Jennifer behind her back because they can't stand her. They know she is a manipulative person, and everyone tries to avoid Jennifer as much as possible.

To sum it all up Jennifer just sucks as a person, no matter how kind hearted you are, you will always find something that you just can't stand about Jennifer.

The Trio (Tom, Dick, and Harry)

These three guys are the funniest and funnest guys in the whole restaurant. These guys are usually late teens to mid 20s and they all work, live, and party with each other. They have been best friends since high school and they probably are going to be friends for the rest of their lives. They are always playing stupid games at work to make work seem like less of a job. Throwing rolls around, or playing a game of ring on the table (story to come later) always seems to be happening with these guys. Nobody hates these guys or even dislikes them because they are just what everybody needs to be around to not go crazy during their shifts. Now, because they are always dicking around, side work is definitely not a priority to them. They slack off, but once you confront them they are quick to jump on what you need. The guests love these guys as much as all the employees do, and these guys rack home some cash. But what do they do with the huge amounts of money they pull throughout the week? One word, PARTY! Life to them is one giant party and DAMN do they have a good time. Fridge and freezer always full, and lets just say you aren't going to leave that house without laughing uncontrollably. And when they go out, these are the guys you want to be around. Free drinks all night and a hangover for the next day to accompany them. Their DNA has somehow been genetically reformed to be able to work 40+ hours a week while partying the rest of the week and only getting about 3 hours of sleep a night. And these guys are ladies men! Girls flock to these guys, because lets face it when women want to feel young or want to have a good time they party with these guys. No one ever gets into confrontation with these guys, and the managers love them.

Overall these guys are going to party it up and enjoy "the best years of their life" while they can. And the people that are closest to them are lucky to have such loyal friends like the trio.

The Joe

Now wait, what is wrong with this blog? Well I am here making fun of different types of people, and I haven't made fun of myself. Well here is the roast of my type of person in the restaurant industry.

Who is Joe? Well Joe is they guy that ONLY works during the summers and holidays, possibly some weekends every once in a while. Joe is in a higher education, usually a state university. Joe thought he was WAY too good for some kind of crappy junior college, so he went straight into a 4 year university. Joe is the most selfish person you will probably work with. He is there to make money, get out, and that is about it. Joe wants to work the shifts that he wants, and that is about it. He works doubles on weekends, because he can make good money and not have to go back to work much during the week. AND DOES JOE BITCH, Jesus he is always complaining about something. Whether the people aren't tipping well, or the salad bar not stocked up enough, it is ALWAYS something. Joe is upbeat and a nice guy most of the time though, just as long as you don't get in between him and his money. Most people think Joe is lazy, but he isn't. he just doesn't want to do anything extra. He isn't going to get ice for bus stand, and why? BECAUSE HE IS ON SILVERWARE!! If Joe can get out of something, you can believe he is going to try one way or another to get out of it. He thinks he is WAY better then everyone else in the building, because this is just a stepping stone job to his hopeful future. When in all honesty he will probably be stuck working there for another 5 years after he graduates because he can't find a good job. And god forbid there be more that one Joe in a restaurant. It is like a total douche off and one of them has to prove which one is smarter, chose the better degree, exc.

But hey, at least I make money!